Hong Kong

I went to Hong Kong. It's a long story, but some I have some older, wealthy friends in Japan who took me. The likely answer to any questions you might have are either "No" or "Shut the fuck up, I can't believe you'd ask me something like that". So yeah, I went to Hong Kong.



It was a crazy rushed Japanese style tour.



Arrived at the hotel, checked in, and took a walk. I'm proud to say that my first conversation with a resident of Hong Kong was with the prostitutes in the park just outside. Sweet girl, but she did the whole grab your arm and then violently push it away when you are clearly not buying thing. They totally do that in Japan too. If you can't sell something in 2 minutes, do you yell at the customer?



I woke up at 8, and began my tour. Not just any tour, but a Japanese tour. I'd heard that Japanese people love to be led around, told what to do, and taken to places that cater to Japanese taste on their organized tours abroad. I don't think I'm being an insensitive jerk because I've heard this from Japanese people, foreigners, and people who actually work as tour guides. Am I in the wrong here? I was about to find out if this was true. I'll save you the suspense. It's totally true. Japanese tours are whack!



The first stop after a traditional Hong Kong breakfast or rice porridge, fried noodles, and dim sum was Victoria Peak. You take a tram up to one of the best cityscapes in the world. It's breathtaking. I could spend a few hours up there easily.



But, being a Japanese tour, we took a photo and left after literally 1 minute.



The tour bus drove for 30 minutes to Stanley Market where were given an hour to shop. "Given an hour to shop" will be a recurring theme.



The next stop was this fly beach with some crazy temple. Seriously, this shrine was filled with mosaic statues of all sorts of animals and deities. All at the water's edge. 1 minute for a photo, then back to the bus.





At about forever on the bus o'clock, we got to the jade "factory". Followed by the silk "factory". These are just warehouses that cater to tourists who want to buy traditional things. They also excel at getting people who don't want to buy shit to buy some shit. Actually, I kind of want a silk suit.



On to another temple. This one was really intriquit and I could easily take a couple hours to wander around. Sorry, 1 minute to take a photo and have our fortunes told by a fortune teller with an internet connection. They type in your stats and hit the print button. I know that all this palm reading and astrology is all math and logic, but I don't want to hear it unless it's from the mouth of some ancient guy who knows nothing but where the stars were on my birthday 30 years ago.





Oh snap, this dude totally has on a Dexter's Lab backpack. He's like 40 years old. That's kind of awesome.



Another hour of shopping, this time at the duty free shop. They don't sell fake stuff at the duty free, so what's the point. This is Hong Kong dammit! I want some phoney Luis Vuitton gear.



After the tour I walked around by myself for a bit. Hella shady dudes kept coming up to me trying to sell their stuff. Like every block some new guy is talking in a low voice trying to get me hooked on his product.

In the States, if some dude comes out of an alley to slang something, I'm expecting drugs. In Japan, it's gonna be blow jobs from an Asian girl who is pretending that she is a native Japanese girl. But in Hong Kong... it's a tailor. A damn tailor pimp. These guys are everywhere. And their as pushy as the whores in the park at night. Some dude tried to physically force me into his shop to take my measurements.

There's an Avenue of the Stars with a sick statue of Bruce Lee. I caught the morning sun as it glistened through his fingers.





The Hong Kong Avenue of the Stars is only for Chinese people. Like Jet Li.



Bruce Lee.



Also fish.



Did you know that Hong Kong is known for french toast and "pantyhose" tea? Well it is. According to the guidebook in my hotel room. It seems like they needed filler space. "Let's see... we have dim sum, egg tarts, fish ball soup, but we still need to fill half a page. What did I have for breakfast?"



Also famous for duck pancakes. Yeah, a fucking dried duck flattened like a pancake.



Check out these weekend warriors! The Hong Kong Harley group was chock full of rich wall street guys decked out in pristine leathers. I'm being bitter because I'm jealous. It was god damn 25 degrees in Hong Kong! Tokyo is like 10. I had to have a finger amputated because it froze off on a motorcycle ride last weekend.



Jumbo is a famous boat slash restaurant. The waitress rolled her eyes at us and got mad when we took too long to order.





Mong Kok is where to go for the fake goods. Hundreds of street side shops selling jewelry, bags, and clothes. I bought some Ed Hardy shirts for myself. Word.









I also found the only alleyway with decent street art in Hong Kong.









Most of Sunday was spent looking for motorcycle gear (I heard stuff is about half price in Hong Kong) only to find that motorcycle shops are closed on Sunday. Whatever.



That night, the tour bus forgot to pick us up at the hotel and we had to take a taxi. The end.



Meanwhile... back in Japan.